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A Fly On The Wall

July 28, 2010

If you were to die today and had the opportunity to be a fly on the wall at your own funeral, what stories would you hear? What stories would you not want to hear?

I have some skeletons, we all do, so if my mistakes came to light once again, at my funeral, than so be it. As I mentioned in my post on rebirth, that jackass doesn’t even exist anymore, so that memory would seem like more of a story of someone I don’t know and or recognize.

I’ve been contemplating a lot about death lately, it’s affect right now due to events in my life, and what will eventually some day happen. I was beginning to wonder if I was to immersed in death, maybe even to a sadistic level of obsession.

I realize when this body is no longer breathing it will be the end, it is inevitable. It is really not something I worry about. Something that has been on my mind lately though is how will I be remembered. Will only my mistakes be remembered? Will I be remembered for my deeds? Have I been a good father? A good husband? A good son? A good brother? Etc…

Honestly, I don’t think it’s an obsession, to me it’s important. Not for my ego, but for those around me. For instance, I don’t want someone telling my sons and daughter, “Hey, your dad was a real jerk.” That’s not how I want things to go down, not at all. It’s not about legacy, it’s about my family knowing I did the best I could for them. To provide the very best life I can.

Not in a material way, but the fact I was able to give them an adequate amount of love, caring and compassion. That I was able to shelter them, to feed them, to clothe them. Did I work hard enough?

For once in my life, I can say that I do believe the stories will be positive. There will be some nay-sayers, there always are. And I still do have work to do, hell yes I do. But if I died today I am pretty sure my family will say Idid what I could, and did my best for them. How about you?

2 Comments leave one →
  1. kelly permalink
    July 29, 2010 5:46 am

    the “bad stuff” doesn’t matter so much to the people that know you and love you. it is part of the experience; just events along the way. they will remember and celebrate the way you overcame adversity or dealt with those experiences, and how they shaped the person you grew in to.

  2. July 29, 2010 12:59 am

    While I hope to have many more years with you, I can say you have done the best for your family and there would be nothing but good things to say about you anytime! Naysayers are not welcome and people would see how you have turned your life around to be a great father and a wonderful husband!
    I understand this state of mind right now but please don’t let it get the better of you, there are still great memories to make and many days to work on being a more mindful person. As for the circumstances at hand, my only advice is to remember the good in everyone, don’t dwell on the negative. Death is a part of our journey here, it doesn’t make it easier just a bridge to cross.
    I LOVE YOU HONEY!!!!!

    ed. note: I must have not logged off before bed, thanks for the comment Leah.

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