Taking Comfort In Suffering
A few posts back I mentioned a co-worker that became a teacher. He recently sent me the gift of Netflix free for a month. I love it! I’ve canceled my movie channels and use Netflix and Xbox live for streaming movies along with the famous red envelopes. How does this apply to Precious Metal? I was finally able to see the Meditate & Destroy DVD because Netflix offers it. See Nate’s review by clicking here.
Something Noah pointed out on the DVD is that we take comfort in our suffering. His example was how abused children will cry when they are taken from abusive parents. The child was treated terribly but he finds comfort with his parents, even though they cause him pain. It sounded crazy at first but then I realized I’m living that life right now. No, I’m not abusing a child. I’m taking comfort in my suffering.
How honest do I want to be? I have a bottle of rum, a bottle of sleeping pills (over the counter) and a box of crackers all within eight feet of where I’m sitting. Why does this matter? Because I know I use each of them to avoid reality in one way or another. The rum and sleeping pills I’ll switch between to make my brain shut up so I can sleep. The crackers are food that I’ll use for comfort. Honest enough? I know I don’t need any of these things and I know I’ll feel like crap for using any one of them yet I continue to do so.
So how come I haven’t done something about this? Because I have found comfort in my suffering. There is an issue I’m not dealing with and I’ve used suffering to keep it at bay. The sad part is I’ve been avoiding this issue for so long that I’m not one hundred percent sure what it is. I have some ideas about it but I worry that I might not be able to handle what it is. The worst part? My practice has suffered because of this. I’ve put aside meditation in favor of self medication over the past couple of years. The DVD made this clear to me. I haven’t completely abandoned meditation but I’ve gotten way too casual about it.
I know if I take comfort in my suffering I can avoid this issue. I know if I sit in meditation regularly I will have to confront this issue.
I’m not sure what I’m going to discover about myself but it’s time for a change. If I sleep, I sleep. If I don’t, I don’t. It won’t be because of the rum or pills any more. I’m determined to set aside at least 15 minutes every day to meditate. If I can take time to pour a shot, pop a pill or down a handful of crackers before bed I can re-dedicate that time to meditation. Wish me luck.
What suffering have you found comfort in?
About the DVD. It was nice to see the director using Second Life to tell part of the story. I love seeing people embrace something new. I didn’t like the flashing scenes that are in one part of the DVD. My wife is epileptic and I’ve learned to watch for flashing lights, scenes and colors in life. The thing I loved most about the DVD was that when the credits started to roll I was smiling.